The following is an excerpted feature from CREEM Magazine #002 coming Dec. 15. Subscribe now to reserve your copy.

Gwar’s prime directive may be to eradicate this measly piece-of-shit planet we call Earth, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t looking to carpet-bomb the masses with their intergalactic seed in the meantime. Even Scumdogs need love—at least for one to three minutes at a time—and we’re lucky enough to have caught Balsac the Jaws of Death, Blöthar the Berserker, and Jizmak Da Gusha at the start of their mating ritual, eagerly awaiting the arrival of their future other (dark) halves for a romantic dinner at a posh French bistro. This rare peek at the softer side of these tyrants might cast them in an uncharacteristic light, but don’t worry: The photographer was beheaded and defiled immediately after getting the shot. R.I.P.


Read more from CREEM #002

Compliance Rock O’Clock: A look at the recent trend of billionaire CEOs arrogant enough to think they can purchase rock-star status.

Freak On A Leash: LustSickPuppy is CREEM’s new top dog. Awooooo!!!

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