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My, my, who pushed dear, dear Edgar and the boys into the closet? Now, really. Do you expect me to believe it was THEIR idea? What? You say they have donned those delightful disguises because they were embarrassed. Embarrassed? Whatever for? Oh, you have got to be kidding! Just because they wanted to try their hand at the AM circuit and they thought we would be upset. Oh, that’s priceless. Well ... I’ll buy that. In fact I’ll buy it all, everything, that is, except that ghastly putty beauty mark on Edgar’s Max Factor face. Beastly taste.
And how fortunate to have THE Francesco Scavullo consent to do the photos. You know he doesn’t take pictures of just anyone, darling. You know, with his Cosmopolitan covers and all.
I agree, the band does look terribly stunning. Oh, Chuck, you say you “blow dry” your hair to get that wonderful fluff. I must try it next time. And Edgar, that lavender eyeshadow goes so well with red eyes.
Oh, and this is Linda. No, I don’t think I remember you. Wait a minute, weren’t you at Max’s last Easter? You were the one with the fluorescent tits? No? Sorry. Now that you mention it, Ronnie does have fantastically gorgeous green eyes. As big as your fist, you say. How interesting.
Now, this all happened since you fellows moved to Connecticut. It couldn’t be that your wonderfully strange neighbors, the Coopers, had anything to do with this utterly, utterly unusual metamorphosis?
Do play us your new album. Catchy tunes. May I sing along? Thank you. Yes, your last album was a touch too heavy-handed. You say you learned to boogie from Savoy Brown? But, not one single solitary “hootchie-koo?” How disappointing. Oh, well, I didn’t realize that was out this year. Wait a minute. I heard that. Play it back: “Thought I was cool when I dropped out of school, it was great ... Driving along with my radio on, feeling good ... I’m just hangin’ around.” Oh yes, yes, you still are the high, wide and nasty Texan. Aren’t you, Edgar? Edgar? Edgar ... “The Yellow Rose of Texas is the only girl for me ...” Don’t you remember?
“I don’t remember how I got this way/I don’t recall what happened yesterday/I don’t remember what I did last night/But I know I was feelin’ alright.”