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May 1985

Dear CREEM: 
What is happening to you people? You used to have the greatest letter department in all of magazine history! They used to be so strange and funny. They were great. Now you print NORMAL letters like all the rest! Whatever happened to “I eat Oreos and spit in your face!” Or who could forget “Trashcans rule, especially with cheese.!” And the editor! Where’s our rude editor? In the February issue he was nice! 
by CREEM ADMIN on May 01, 1985

September 1984

Dear CREEM:  I would like to thank everyone for voting me Sex Object of the Year. Linda thanks you, too. My children thank you, as well. What? You mean I didn’t win? Who the hell is Joe Elliot? Deaf what? I just don’t understand it. I used to be so adorable. I … I … 
by CREEM ADMIN on September 01, 1984

May 1983

Dear CREEM: 
When Ozzy Osbourne bit off the dove’s head, he was just doing something different! Other people didn’t, so therefore, some people call him demented. What’s wrong with doing something different? 
by CREEM ADMIN on May 01, 1983

September 1982 - Earth Opera!!

Dear CREEM: 
Do you know which album covers smell the best? Elektra album covers! Yes, Elektra album covers! 
by CREEM ADMIN on September 01, 1982

September 1982 - Lester

Dear CREEM: 
A California contact recently sent me a newspaper obit. The notice read, “Lester Bangs — died in his Manhattan apartment — He was 33.” A very sad piece of news. Lester had few equals as a rock critic. At his best he was unpretentious, acerbic, incisive. His passion was rock ‘n’ roll. He truly CARED. 
by CREEM ADMIN on September 01, 1982

March 1982

Dear CREEM: 
So, Mick Jagger thinks the record buyers in America are “unsophisticated.” Ha! And I suppose a 40-year-old anorexia nervosa victim in football tights is “sophisticated.”
by CREEM ADMIN on March 01, 1982

November 1981

Dear CREEM: 
I can’t believe how STUPID you dummies are. You make the guys in Journey look like a bunch of fools from San Francisco! I mean, who cares if Steve Perry has a lady behind him in the bathroom! Who cares if some sumo wrestler pisses in the corner! Who cares about Don Adams’ granddaughter! Who cares about Billy Squier! It was supposed to be a Journey interview, man. And that what’s-his-face who did the interview can do me a big favor. GO TO HELL! 
by CREEM ADMIN on November 01, 1981

June 1981

I want to write for your magazine. I hate David Lee Roth. Do I qualify? 
by CREEM ADMIN on June 01, 1981

February 1980

Dear CREEM: 
Oh! We get it … B-52’s … page 52. Hahaha. 
by CREEM ADMIN on February 01, 1980

January 1980

Dear CREEM: 
I feel like a real idiot. I mean, the Clash is one of my all-time favorite groups, and I don’t even know what most of their songs are about. I am constantly reading articles and record reviews telling me that “The Clash is the greatest record in the history of rock and roll because they have described our times with more clarity than Rod Stewart’s underwear, and blah blah blah … ” 
by CREEM ADMIN on January 01, 1980

December 1979

Dear CREEM: 
Please insert these phrases into your October issue: 1) terminal sludge for the red set; 2) aural whoopee cushion. Thank you. 
by CREEM ADMIN on December 01, 1979

May 1979

So Aerosmith won’t play Philadelphia anymore because Steve Tyler got hit in the face with a bottle. So big deal!  
I was at the Emerson, Lake and Palmer concert in Pittsburgh when Lake got hit by a studded snow tire, and he never sang those high notes any better.
by CREEM ADMIN on May 01, 1979

November 1978

You may not know this but, I’m holding Led Zeppelin (sic) for ransom. They’re writing a song about my raven friend. If you ever want to see them alive again, leave $200,000 and 50 pounds of bird seed at the corner of First and Main under a Hare Krishna Santa Claus in the city of Hogwash, Texas. 
by CREEM ADMIN on November 01, 1978

August 1978

What brand of cigarettes does Joan (Darling) Jett smoke? I must know! 
by CREEM ADMIN on August 01, 1978

July 1977

Dear CREEM: 
Please answer the following questions: 
by CREEM ADMIN on July 01, 1977

January 1976

Dear CREEM: 
I’m pissed off at you guys! All of you! I’ve been reading your mag for about four months now and it is really far out. It’s even better than Ted Nugent, but that’s not why I’m pissed. 
by CREEM ADMIN on January 01, 1976

May 1975 - Ripping Off Elt's Pelt

Dear CREEM: 
Concerning the Profile of Elton John, the hair I bought from (for $7.50) him was supposed to be a pubic hair not from his chest! 
by CREEM ADMIN on May 01, 1975

May 1975 - Hair Razing

Dear CREEM: 
Is it true that Jim Dandy really stuffs? Also, is that a hairpiece he wears on his chest? The rumor is going strong these days that Jim as a child was dropped on his throat and that’s why he sings so good(‘?).
by CREEM ADMIN on May 01, 1975

February 1975

Dear CREEM: 
I am a bit pissed off because you constantly neglect the greatest performer/vocalist to ever grab a mike. The man is the founder of Raunch. Of course by now you realize I mean Iggy Pop. 
by CREEM ADMIN on February 01, 1975

December 1973

Dear CREEM: 
I love the 4 Seasons. I don’t think rock ‘n’ roll needs “masculine arrogance.” Why be snide about them? I always sigh when I hear “Candy Girl” and “Marlena.” You call them “featherweights.” They’re heavyweights to me. 
by CREEM ADMIN on December 01, 1973

November 1973

Dear CREEM: 
I was wondering if you could help me with this trouble I’m having with pronunciation. Is David Bowie pronounced Bowie as in Boner, Bowie as in Bowel, or Bowie as in Boob? Your help in this matter will be greatly appreciated. (Incidentally, CREEM is one hell of magazine!!) 
by CREEM ADMIN on November 01, 1973

September 1973

Dear CREEM: 
While reading your July issue, I realized what a bunch of crap this whole Rock & Roll set up is. It’s just as much a farce as anything else. Who CARES, for God sakes, what Marc Bolan’s philosophy of life is or what Lou Reed has to say about music or what Alice Cooper wore to some ego trip party’! 
by CREEM ADMIN on September 01, 1973

August 1973

Dear CREEM: 
I’m a 15 year old girl and I live in Newport, Rhode Island. Alice Cooper is coming down here to do a concert in Providence, R.I. and my sister won’t take me and my friends. Of course my friends are going to take the bus and I got to sit on my ass home cuz my asshole parents won’t let me take the bus. They seem to think that I’m 2 years old and that I can’t take care of myself. Well I’ve just about had it with their shit. I’m leaving. I never had the guts to leave before but I can’t wait now. I was gonna stay in school and be a somebody. 
by CREEM ADMIN on August 01, 1973

July 1973

Dear CREEM: 
Did you know that people in San Francisco don’t have to talk to each other, because they already know what they’re going to say? 
by CREEM ADMIN on July 01, 1973

June 1973

Dear CREEM: 
I heard a rumor that Boy Howdy was U.S.D.A. rejected. 
by CREEM ADMIN on June 01, 1973

November 1972

Dear CREEM: 
Five albums prove Lou Reed definitely is “a more talented and versatile old fart than Bob Dylan.” I suggest you get Country Punk Shields to lick the shit off Lester Bangs’ toes. 
by CREEM ADMIN on November 01, 1972

October 1972

Dear CREEM: 
I like your magazine best because the ink on the pages doesn’t come off on my fingers. 
Howard Silver 
Chicago, Ill. 
PS: Try to do something about the front and back pages though, because they do.
by CREEM ADMIN on October 01, 1972

August 1972

Dear CREEM: 
Yes, it was someone’s idea of a nasty joke: the first UNICEF Concert by any ex-Beatle (lucrative or otherwise) was in London 1968 Lyceum Ballroom, where George and many others appeared by me and Yoko’s request -- so why should we start following George at our age! tut! tut! (The result of that session is a freebie five-jam album which ya get with our new album Sometime In New York City!) Plug! -- plug!  so there ...
by CREEM ADMIN on August 01, 1972

July 1972

Dear CREEM: 
Any truth to the rumor that Lester Bangs? 
by CREEM ADMIN on July 01, 1972

April 1972 - Cancel My Subscription

Dear CREEM: 
Please cancel the subscription for Holly Beal to your sick magazine. 
You and your kind are to be pitied for polluting the minds of our youth. 
The Post Office Department has been notified not to deliver this filth to our home. May God help you before it is too late. 
by CREEM ADMIN on April 01, 1972

April 1972 - Top Ten

Dear CREEM: 
Being of as great importance as I stand and not wishing to jeopardize my office, I would like to go on record as saying (you may quote): 
by CREEM ADMIN on April 01, 1972

December 1971

Dear CREEM: 
May I voice a few complaints? ...
by CREEM ADMIN on December 01, 1971

November 1971

Dear CREEM:  I thought the portfolio of Patti Smith’s poems was really great. She and her poems are one of a kind, a magical kind that lies within one person, and she’s it. I think that one of a kinds should be kept that way. And there’s only one way to do it. We don’t need more like her, we need more of her. 
by CREEM ADMIN on November 01, 1971

June 1971

Dear CREEM: 
Thank you for sending me my copy of CREEM, but the letter you sent with it gets me mad, because my parents say that because I sent $5.50 in cash instead of a check you will not send me my free album, or any more papers. Since I did send cash, I don’t have any record of proof but myself. 
by CREEM ADMIN on June 01, 1971

March 1971

Dear CREEM: 
I suppose you fuckers are proud of yourselves. Well, let’s set some things straight. You’ve gotten so cool, you think you’re so fuckin’ hip, that you probably don’t listen no more, but at least maybe you’ll print this (seems you’ll print anything, these days) and some of your readers who should know better but don’t will understand. 
by CREEM ADMIN on March 01, 1971