MAIL - 50th Anniversary Part I

MARCH 1971
BURIAL OR CREEMATION?

Dear CREEM:
I suppose you fuckers are proud of yourselves. Well, let’s set some things straight. You’ve gotten so cool, you think you’re so fuckin’ hip, that you probably don’t listen no more, but at least maybe you’ll print this (seems you’ll print anything, these days) and some of your readers who should know better but don’t will understand.
Specifically, what the hell makes you think that anyone is interested in reading page after page of Stooges/White Panther drivel? The finest thing about CREEM used to be its very lack of pretension; but lately you’ve become as in-groupish and star struck as the rest.
Yeah, look at Lester Bangs ... drone on, Les, drone on. And whatever happened to Dave Marsh? His writing is degenerating into a sort of everyman’s rock ‘n’ roll pap that I find disgusting, abhorrent and a waste of space and ink and paper.
Maybe it’s time for a vacation, maybe it’s time for you to lay back and analyze where the hell you’re going and what the fuck you’re supposed to be about. Somewhere along the line, young CREEMers, you’ve simply lost track of that essential purpose. And I sure wouldn’t want to see what was once my favorite rockzine become CREEMated (for lack of a better phrase).
Frank Novowitz
Milwaukee, Wis

JUNE 1971
YOUR CASH AIN’T NOTHIN’ BUT TRASH

Dear CREEM:
Thank you for sending me my copy of CREEM, but the letter you sent with it gets me mad, because my parents say that because I sent $5.50 in cash instead of a check you will not send me my free album, or any more papers. Since I did send cash, I don’t have any record of proof but myself.
I’m only 15 years old so I’m not able to have my own checks. My parents hate freaks and Panthers. You know the type. They didn’t want me subscribing to your paper and they said they weren’t going to write me a check, so I sent cash. If you do find out I’m not lying, please send me the J. Geils Band album, because I hear they’re pretty far out.
Thank you,
Doug Cryer
Dearborn, Mich.

NOVEMBER 1971
PATTI’S POEMS PLEASE/NO THANK YOU

Dear CREEM:
I thought the portfolio of Patti Smith’s poems was really great. She and her poems are one of a kind, a magical kind that lies within one person, and she’s it. I think that one of a kinds should be kept that way. And there’s only one way to do it. We don’t need more like her, we need more of her.
Jesse Kim
Mantua, N.J.
Dear CREEM:
Why do you persist in publishing such drivel as your piece on hipless P. Smith? I suggest you stay away from such incestuous New York tripe and stay with things more tasteful -- like the Revolution, or Radical Lesbians Take Up Karate, or the Bio-Degradable Kotex Syndrome.
Yours,
Paula Stevens
Saugatuck, Mich.

Dear CREEM:
I want to thank you for believing in my poetry enough to give me all them pages (Vol. 3, No. 4). I been fighting for a long time to be recognized as a poet, even though I got a rock ‘n’ roll soul. To me there’s room in my body for both. In the ole days poets were hot stuff. They had balls and a real electric mouth. Rock ‘n’ roll took over. It shot through the heart harder. But language got rhythm. I won’t give it up. No.
Ever since I was a little kid I felt I had a mission. Lots of people have. Joan of Arc. Mayakovsky, Manolete, Smokey Robinson, Todd Rundgren, Stravinsky ... millions of people. Me Too. Ain’t nobody stopping me. But there are people starting me ... That includes you guys.
When I am in full force. When I’m real famous. I’ll always remember the people who stuck their neck out when I was a punk. People like you guys ...
Patti Smith
New York City
PS: Peter Hujar did not take those pictures. My best girlfriend, Judy Linn, did.

DECEMBER 1971
PUT DOWN THE ROMILAR, PICK UP THE HASH PIPE

Dear CREEM:
May I voice a few complaints? You must admit a majority of the articles are very poorly written. I really like the concept of CREEM sticking to hard rock, but you are blowing it! What kind of idiot would prefer MC5 to the Stones? Richard Neville deserves to be busted. The theme of his article, Mick Jagger cops out on the revolution by getting married, is hard to believe. You might as well have Lester write the entire magazine. How about some articles on Humble Pie, the Allman Brothers, Lee Michaels and Spirit? I enjoyed the article giving the Beach Boys a fair shake. My main complaint is your magazine is so out of it I don’t get off by reading it. Maybe Lester and company should put down all that cough syrup scene and start smoking hash. Om-peace-shanti-aloha.
Stephen Wimer
Soquel, Calif.

APRIL, 1972
TOP TEN

Dear CREEM:
Being of as great importance as I stand and not wishing to jeopardize my office, I would like to go on record as saying (you may quote):
1. Grand Funk is the best mutha-fuckin’ group around with one bad-ass guitarist.
2. Alice Cooper smells, eats and sounds like shit.
3. MC5 are fags.
4. Michael P. Jagger can’t sing worth fuck.
 5. Carole King makes me wanta whip off.
6. Brian Wilson can’t even read music.
7. The Who are great.
8. Steppenwolf is better than the Who!
9. Pete Townshend plays some fantastic lead.
10. Glen Buxton don’t know what a guitar looks like.
11. CREEM is a bullshittin’ rag.
Thankx a lot,
I really appreciate it.
General B. Napoleon
Dwight Frye Memorial Hospital Ward #9, Room 14.

APRIL 1972
CANCEL MY SUBSCRIPTION TO THE RESURRECTION

Dear CREEM:
Please cancel the subscription for Holly Beal to your sick magazine.
You and your kind are to be pitied for polluting the minds of our youth.
The Post Office Department has been notified not to deliver this filth to our home. May God help you before it is too late.
Mrs. Oliver Canett
Dallas, Texas
(Too late for what? - Ed.)

JULY 1972: BANG A GONG?

Dear CREEM:
Any truth to the rumor that Lester Bangs?
Craig Zilba
Montclair N.J.

AUGUST 1972
BEATLE BOO BOO

Dear CREEM:
Yes, it was someone’s idea of a nasty joke: the first UNICEF Concert by any ex-Beatle (lucrative or otherwise) was in London 1968 Lyceum Ballroom, where George and many others appeared by me and Yoko’s request -- so why should we start following George at our age! tut! tut! (The result of that session is a freebie five-jam album which ya get with our new album Sometime In New York City!) Plug! -- plug!  so there ...
Love and Peace,
John & Yoko
New York, N.Y.

OCTOBER 1972
FINGERTIPS PART I AND II

Dear CREEM:
I like your magazine best because the ink on the pages doesn’t come off on my fingers.
Howard Silver
Chicago, Ill.
PS: Try to do something about the front and back pages though, because they do.

NOVEMBER 1972
LESTER MASH[ED] NOTES

Dear CREEM:
To Lester Bangs:
Now you did it. You fucking put down the Stones. Well, it takes a hell of a lot of nerve to do that. So Exile on Main Street is “loud, rocking mush for an indiscriminate audience.” That’s news to me. You also said Dave Edmunds’ Love Sculpture version of “Hip Shake” fucking cuts the Stones. You can go to hell. And now, because you don’t like the album, you think the Stones are decaying away. I say fuck you. Before you put down the Stones again, think first.
Devoted Stones Freak
Philadelphia, Pa.
Dear CREEM
Five albums prove Lou Reed definitely is “a more talented and versatile old fart than
Bob Dylan.” I suggest you get Country Punk Shields to lick the shit off Lester Bangs’ toes.
Gold L. Aiglon
St. Louis, Mizery

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